Tequila Christmas Cake

I have a friend from long ago who recently sent this to me. As the old saying goes, "it's an oldy, but a goody."

Tequila Christmas Cake

Ingredients:

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the
tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level
cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of
butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try
another cup... just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs
and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried
druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt.
Or something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain
your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever
you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try
not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw
the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.

CHERRY MISTMAS!