I love to watch HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher. I have forgiven Maher for making a nasty, rude comment about mentally challenged people, and now enjoy his show. To forgive can be a pretty good thing :)
Anyway, I am going to copy and paste below the transcript from his show the other night when he had Barney Frank (D-MA), Jason Alexander (Seinfeld), and Bill Richardson (some Republican governor... I think from NM). I haven't succeeded in finding the entire transcript, but I found Maher's NEW RULES segment. Political comedians, like Maher, are having a hey-day right now with all of the crap the Republicans and Bush folks are pulling, particularly justifying the Iraq war (both initiating it and staying with it).
I hope you enjoy this rule as much as I do ...
New Rule, in two parts: A) You can't call yourself a think tank if all your ideas are stupid. And B), if you're someone from one of the think tanks that dreamed up the Iraq War, and who predicted that we'd be greeted as liberators, and that we wouldn't need a lot of troops, and that Iraqi oil would pay for the war, that the WMD's would be found, that the looting wasn't problematic, and the mission was accomplished, that the insurgency was in its last throes, that things would get better after the people voted, after the government was formed, after we got Saddam, after we got his kids, after we got Zarqawi, and that the whole bloody mess wouldn't turn into a civil war...you have to stop making predictions! You know, there's a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time: husbands. You know, it's a shame what happened to think tanks. They used to produce valuable, apolitical analysis. But partisanship crept into many of them. And the Bush Administration doesn't just come up with something as stupid as "If we leave now, they'll follow us home." No, they have someone from a think tank say it first. It's a way to lend respectability. The same reason a titty bar has food. I hear.
The think tanks that incubated the Iraq war have lofty names like the Heritage Foundation and the Project for a New American Century. Whatever. They've been wrong so often, I'm surprised they're not my broker. Richard Perle thought we could win Iraq with 40,000 troops. Paul Wolfowitz predicted, in 2003, that within a year, the grateful people of Baghdad would name some grand square in their fine city after President Bush. And he was right when he said they'd be waving American flags. They were on fire.
William Kristol pooh-poohed the fears that Sunnis and Shiites would be at each others' throats, as "the stuff of pop psychology." Right. And having your head chopped off is just a quick way to drop 11 pounds. Kristol, of course, is revered by much of the right because he was Dan Quayle's chief of staff, and was known as "Quayle's Brain." You know that. Which sounded impressive until I remembered Dan Quayle didn't have a brain. And now, Mr. Kristol proposes immediate military action against Iran, predicting the Iranians will thank us for it. Hey, you know what, Nostrodamus? Why don't you sit this one out? We'll get by using the Magic Eight Ball for a while. Because you guys have been so wrong about so much for so long, people are actually turning to the Democrats. So, we can say Iraq was a noble experiment, if that helps you. Our intention was good: to penetrate Iraq and bring it to a glorious, euphoric climax. But it's clear now that's just not going to happen.
And yet we're still pounding away. Causing the whole area to become painfully inflamed. And in that situation, the kindest thing you can do is...just pull out.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
All Women Should ...
Compliments of my friend, Emily ...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill, and
a black lace bra.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who
Always makes her
Laugh...
And one
Who lets her cry.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture
not previously owned by
Anyone else in her family.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
Eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will
Make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over Her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a job
Break up with a lover
and confront a friend without losing the relationship.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and
WHEN TO WALK AWAY.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood
May not have been Perfect...
but it's over.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't
Do for love or more.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust, whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't take it personally.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go..
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month...
And a year...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill, and
a black lace bra.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who
Always makes her
Laugh...
And one
Who lets her cry.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture
not previously owned by
Anyone else in her family.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
Eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will
Make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over Her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a job
Break up with a lover
and confront a friend without losing the relationship.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and
WHEN TO WALK AWAY.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood
May not have been Perfect...
but it's over.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't
Do for love or more.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust, whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't take it personally.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go..
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month...
And a year...
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Pride
Wow, am I lucky or what? I have so much to be proud of!
I'm proud of my 15 year-old daughter ... a freshman in high school ... bringing home 5 A's and 1 B on her first report card. Her B was in Algebra, which is she AND her momma's worst subject, but I'm proud anyway. To celebrate her scholarship I took her to the movies on Sunday ... her choice ... she could pick any film she wanted to watch and I would watch it with her. This is a big deal, people ... I let her go to the movies anytime she wants, but it's usually with her cousin or a friend of hers ... THIS time I would watch ANY MOVIE SHE WANTED TO WATCH with her. So what does she pick? She chose THE GRUDGE 2. Oy vey, I say ... but I managed to make it through. It was the single most repulsive and innane movie I've ever had to sit through! After the movie I reminded her that my presence and participation was a true representation of a mother's love. I'm kinda praying she earns a C next time ;)
More pride? How's about this ...
Eli, the child who looks like Ron but has my charm (hee hee), can tell anyone who asks him who is pitching in the World Series, and he can tell them (a) what channel the game is on, (b)who's pitching the next night, (c) who's DH'ing, and (d) who's favored to win. That's MY kid ... ain't he the coolest? He's so smart ... and I'm so proud :)
Okay, here's some more ...
I'm proud of the GREAT WHITE HUNTER ... which is to say, I'm proud of Ron. He has worked so hard on building our house (though not necessarily with hammer in hand, but he could if he had the time). He maintains a very busy job working as a PA ... taking call sometimes 3 and 4 times a week ... and shuffles pockets of time talking with sub-contractors and our banker. He has managed to build us our dream home AND has done so allowing us to walk into the house with ---K (numbers taken out to protect the innocent) of equity already in the home. I am so proud of his efforts ... he has done an amazing job.
Okay, it's gettin' kinda weepy in here ... we can't have that, can we? Too mushy for me (and for Will, I'm sure)!!!!
:)
I'm proud of my 15 year-old daughter ... a freshman in high school ... bringing home 5 A's and 1 B on her first report card. Her B was in Algebra, which is she AND her momma's worst subject, but I'm proud anyway. To celebrate her scholarship I took her to the movies on Sunday ... her choice ... she could pick any film she wanted to watch and I would watch it with her. This is a big deal, people ... I let her go to the movies anytime she wants, but it's usually with her cousin or a friend of hers ... THIS time I would watch ANY MOVIE SHE WANTED TO WATCH with her. So what does she pick? She chose THE GRUDGE 2. Oy vey, I say ... but I managed to make it through. It was the single most repulsive and innane movie I've ever had to sit through! After the movie I reminded her that my presence and participation was a true representation of a mother's love. I'm kinda praying she earns a C next time ;)
More pride? How's about this ...
Eli, the child who looks like Ron but has my charm (hee hee), can tell anyone who asks him who is pitching in the World Series, and he can tell them (a) what channel the game is on, (b)who's pitching the next night, (c) who's DH'ing, and (d) who's favored to win. That's MY kid ... ain't he the coolest? He's so smart ... and I'm so proud :)
Okay, here's some more ...
I'm proud of the GREAT WHITE HUNTER ... which is to say, I'm proud of Ron. He has worked so hard on building our house (though not necessarily with hammer in hand, but he could if he had the time). He maintains a very busy job working as a PA ... taking call sometimes 3 and 4 times a week ... and shuffles pockets of time talking with sub-contractors and our banker. He has managed to build us our dream home AND has done so allowing us to walk into the house with ---K (numbers taken out to protect the innocent) of equity already in the home. I am so proud of his efforts ... he has done an amazing job.
Okay, it's gettin' kinda weepy in here ... we can't have that, can we? Too mushy for me (and for Will, I'm sure)!!!!
:)
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Cabinets (unfinished)
Okay, here are a few pics of the cabinets in the kitchen, one shot of the cabinets in the laundry room, and one shot of the custom cabinets built around the fireplace in the den (excuse the trash everywhere ... I find construction dudes to be quite messy).
The countertops will not be installed for a few weeks (I think). Shane, the cabinet maker extraordinaire, told me that he thinks he can use a different countertop guy who will only take a week to get the countertops I've ordered but he isn't sure he can get the exact granite I orginally ordered. If I stick to the original granite, it may take up to 3 weeks ... what a dilemma, huh? Um, not for me. I'll wait 5 weeks if I have to ... the granite I chose will be PERFECT ... and I have waited this long for my dream house ... what's 3 more weeks? It's a cake walk, that's what it is.
:)
A little bit closer ...
It took a while to load these photos, so I hope I remember what exactly I loaded. I think there should be a picture of the exterior light outside the garage bays, the light over the kitchen island (which is missing a globe because the electrician accidently cracked one giving me a new job tomorrow - ordering a new one), the light over kitchen table, the chandelier in the dining room, and I think the ceiling fan in the den.
Things are starting to come together ... slowly, but surely it is beginning to look like a house. I think the electrician will finish this week which include turning ON the electricity! The heating and air guys and the alarm system people will also be out this coming week. There are still "holes" in the ceiling for either vents or alarm sensors, so I'll be glad when those are complete, too. I will post more pictures in a minute ... I think I took some of the cabinets in the kitchen and the den.
:)
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
A Tickle for your funny bone ...
... compliments of my friend, Ginger (with a few changes).
A small zoo in Alabama had a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to
handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The
gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla
available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a
redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby
Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to
satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a
solution.
Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing to mate
with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter
over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their
offer, but only under four conditions.
1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the chil'run raised Southern
Baptist."
Once again, the Keeper agreed.
4. "And last of all," Bobby Lee stated, "You gotta give me another week to
come up with the $500.00."
A small zoo in Alabama had a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to
handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The
gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla
available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a
redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby
Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to
satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a
solution.
Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing to mate
with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter
over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their
offer, but only under four conditions.
1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the chil'run raised Southern
Baptist."
Once again, the Keeper agreed.
4. "And last of all," Bobby Lee stated, "You gotta give me another week to
come up with the $500.00."
Friday, October 13, 2006
For D.D.
Okay, since it's 3:00 am and I can't sleep (too much stuff on my melon), I will post a few more photos of a very unfinished kitchen. I promise to update these pictures after Monday.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Updated Photos
Okay, here are just a few ... I'm on my way out the door to head to Lowe's (grrrr) ... I have to change out the front door locks. I can't find the receipt, so this could prove tough.
More pics later ...
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Update
It's Wednesday ... "hump day" ... which, by the way, is a strange description of a day which is typically reserved for attending evening church activities ...
Anyhoo ... I'm headed out to the house to take care of some things for the hubby. I have been DYING to post some new pictures, but I am trying to wait until more is done. The cabinet guy (Shane - custom cabinet extraordinaire) has installed as many cabinets as he possibly could in my kitchen, but he has to wait for the electrician to find the stubouts that were accidently covered up by the sheetrock guys. The cabinets ... are ... breathtaking. Ron and I stood in the kitchen the day after Shane was there and just ... stared at the beautiful wood. Ron said he had no idea they'd look that good, but I knew they would. I had this picture in my mind as to how they'd look with the paint color, the tile, and with the million rays of sunshine coming through the windows ... and now reality matches the picture in mind.
Our appliances were also delivered on Monday. They, too, are incredible. I am sooooooooo excited about using the ovens and the gas stove ... although, I haven't used a gas stove in over 20 years, so I'm sure I'll burn the hell outta some food for a while. The stovetop has 6 eyes so I guess that means I can burn 6 things at once!!! The refrigerator ... oh geez ... that thing is HUGE. I get excited just thinking about it! (so there IS something to the "size" of things ...)
The wood that Ron took out of his granny's house has been laid upstairs in my office and on the landing. It is the most beautiful heart pine I've ever seen. We've decided not to stain it ... just sand it and clear coat it ... leave it natural. Against the terra cotta paint in my office and the bright white french doors ... it is G O R G E O U S.
The tile guy is almost through with the shower in the master bathroom. The guy moves as slow as government ... but he's good. It looks great. He will go this weekend and pick up the tile we're putting in the hallway, Hannah's room, and Eli's room. We were going to carpet those areas, but we agreed that it would be prudent to cover heavy traffic areas (AND ELI'S ROOM) because it would be easier to clean and keep looking nice.
The electrician has installed the foyer chandelier, the hallway chandelier, and a few other lights. Eli is happy as a pig in slop that his ceiling fan has been installed. We got him one of those baseball ceiling fans ... the blades look like bats, the globe is a baseball, the main piece is a baseball glove, and a piece that looks like home plate is on the ceiling. It's adorable! I bought him a baseball nightlight and a baseball switch plate. They will look even cuter once his Atlanta Braves bedding arrives. Hannah's fan is white, but it has a remote control ... too cool for her. The fan I chose for our bedroom is one of those fans with the wooden blades that look like palms. When I saw this fan in Lowe's I wasn't impressed ... I almost thought it was ugly. But then I saw one like it hanging in my friend Micky's house ... and I knew right away I had to have it! I had to special order the fan for the den, so hopefully it will be in next week. I ordered the lighting for the kitchen (over the table and over the island), and I ordered the exterior lights for over the garage bays. Hopefully those will be in soon.
I spent some time furniture shopping this morning. It was short-lived because I had Eli with me. I discovered that 10 year-old boys don't appreciate leather couches or finely detailed dining tables ... go figure. I, of course, found soooooooo many nice pieces ... but only time will tell how many I will be able to bring home. I found the BEST leather couch and love seat ... I just wish it came with the BEST price.
Well, I've got to run to the plumbing supply place. It was months ago that I picked out the fixtures and now I can't remember what I chose! I am trying to pick out cabinet hardware and lighting fixtures for the bathrooms ... but I couldn't remember what the plumbing fixtures looked like! Maybe I'll post some pics later ...
J :)
Anyhoo ... I'm headed out to the house to take care of some things for the hubby. I have been DYING to post some new pictures, but I am trying to wait until more is done. The cabinet guy (Shane - custom cabinet extraordinaire) has installed as many cabinets as he possibly could in my kitchen, but he has to wait for the electrician to find the stubouts that were accidently covered up by the sheetrock guys. The cabinets ... are ... breathtaking. Ron and I stood in the kitchen the day after Shane was there and just ... stared at the beautiful wood. Ron said he had no idea they'd look that good, but I knew they would. I had this picture in my mind as to how they'd look with the paint color, the tile, and with the million rays of sunshine coming through the windows ... and now reality matches the picture in mind.
Our appliances were also delivered on Monday. They, too, are incredible. I am sooooooooo excited about using the ovens and the gas stove ... although, I haven't used a gas stove in over 20 years, so I'm sure I'll burn the hell outta some food for a while. The stovetop has 6 eyes so I guess that means I can burn 6 things at once!!! The refrigerator ... oh geez ... that thing is HUGE. I get excited just thinking about it! (so there IS something to the "size" of things ...)
The wood that Ron took out of his granny's house has been laid upstairs in my office and on the landing. It is the most beautiful heart pine I've ever seen. We've decided not to stain it ... just sand it and clear coat it ... leave it natural. Against the terra cotta paint in my office and the bright white french doors ... it is G O R G E O U S.
The tile guy is almost through with the shower in the master bathroom. The guy moves as slow as government ... but he's good. It looks great. He will go this weekend and pick up the tile we're putting in the hallway, Hannah's room, and Eli's room. We were going to carpet those areas, but we agreed that it would be prudent to cover heavy traffic areas (AND ELI'S ROOM) because it would be easier to clean and keep looking nice.
The electrician has installed the foyer chandelier, the hallway chandelier, and a few other lights. Eli is happy as a pig in slop that his ceiling fan has been installed. We got him one of those baseball ceiling fans ... the blades look like bats, the globe is a baseball, the main piece is a baseball glove, and a piece that looks like home plate is on the ceiling. It's adorable! I bought him a baseball nightlight and a baseball switch plate. They will look even cuter once his Atlanta Braves bedding arrives. Hannah's fan is white, but it has a remote control ... too cool for her. The fan I chose for our bedroom is one of those fans with the wooden blades that look like palms. When I saw this fan in Lowe's I wasn't impressed ... I almost thought it was ugly. But then I saw one like it hanging in my friend Micky's house ... and I knew right away I had to have it! I had to special order the fan for the den, so hopefully it will be in next week. I ordered the lighting for the kitchen (over the table and over the island), and I ordered the exterior lights for over the garage bays. Hopefully those will be in soon.
I spent some time furniture shopping this morning. It was short-lived because I had Eli with me. I discovered that 10 year-old boys don't appreciate leather couches or finely detailed dining tables ... go figure. I, of course, found soooooooo many nice pieces ... but only time will tell how many I will be able to bring home. I found the BEST leather couch and love seat ... I just wish it came with the BEST price.
Well, I've got to run to the plumbing supply place. It was months ago that I picked out the fixtures and now I can't remember what I chose! I am trying to pick out cabinet hardware and lighting fixtures for the bathrooms ... but I couldn't remember what the plumbing fixtures looked like! Maybe I'll post some pics later ...
J :)
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