I love to watch HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher. I have forgiven Maher for making a nasty, rude comment about mentally challenged people, and now enjoy his show. To forgive can be a pretty good thing :)
Anyway, I am going to copy and paste below the transcript from his show the other night when he had Barney Frank (D-MA), Jason Alexander (Seinfeld), and Bill Richardson (some Republican governor... I think from NM). I haven't succeeded in finding the entire transcript, but I found Maher's NEW RULES segment. Political comedians, like Maher, are having a hey-day right now with all of the crap the Republicans and Bush folks are pulling, particularly justifying the Iraq war (both initiating it and staying with it).
I hope you enjoy this rule as much as I do ...
New Rule, in two parts: A) You can't call yourself a think tank if all your ideas are stupid. And B), if you're someone from one of the think tanks that dreamed up the Iraq War, and who predicted that we'd be greeted as liberators, and that we wouldn't need a lot of troops, and that Iraqi oil would pay for the war, that the WMD's would be found, that the looting wasn't problematic, and the mission was accomplished, that the insurgency was in its last throes, that things would get better after the people voted, after the government was formed, after we got Saddam, after we got his kids, after we got Zarqawi, and that the whole bloody mess wouldn't turn into a civil war...you have to stop making predictions! You know, there's a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time: husbands. You know, it's a shame what happened to think tanks. They used to produce valuable, apolitical analysis. But partisanship crept into many of them. And the Bush Administration doesn't just come up with something as stupid as "If we leave now, they'll follow us home." No, they have someone from a think tank say it first. It's a way to lend respectability. The same reason a titty bar has food. I hear.
The think tanks that incubated the Iraq war have lofty names like the Heritage Foundation and the Project for a New American Century. Whatever. They've been wrong so often, I'm surprised they're not my broker. Richard Perle thought we could win Iraq with 40,000 troops. Paul Wolfowitz predicted, in 2003, that within a year, the grateful people of Baghdad would name some grand square in their fine city after President Bush. And he was right when he said they'd be waving American flags. They were on fire.
William Kristol pooh-poohed the fears that Sunnis and Shiites would be at each others' throats, as "the stuff of pop psychology." Right. And having your head chopped off is just a quick way to drop 11 pounds. Kristol, of course, is revered by much of the right because he was Dan Quayle's chief of staff, and was known as "Quayle's Brain." You know that. Which sounded impressive until I remembered Dan Quayle didn't have a brain. And now, Mr. Kristol proposes immediate military action against Iran, predicting the Iranians will thank us for it. Hey, you know what, Nostrodamus? Why don't you sit this one out? We'll get by using the Magic Eight Ball for a while. Because you guys have been so wrong about so much for so long, people are actually turning to the Democrats. So, we can say Iraq was a noble experiment, if that helps you. Our intention was good: to penetrate Iraq and bring it to a glorious, euphoric climax. But it's clear now that's just not going to happen.
And yet we're still pounding away. Causing the whole area to become painfully inflamed. And in that situation, the kindest thing you can do is...just pull out.
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16 comments:
1st, you shouldn't be offended by comments about being mentally challenged, just accept your shortcomings and move on. 2nd, Bill Richardson is the Democratic governor of NM and was Clinton's Secretary of the Interior.
It amazes me to know that you are still a moron, 5 degrees be damned!
Okay, okay ... my mistake. You're right (you have NO idea how much that hurts saying it, thinking it, and typing it) ... Bill Richardson is indeed a Democrat ... but geeeeeeez, he has his head so far up Bush's ass it's difficult to imagine him subscribing to any other party. Did you see the interview? Man, oh man ... it was something worth watching.
And yes, you're right again ... I'm still a moron. The proof of that is you're still my friend ;)
Ahem, D.D. ... please ... if you love me DON'T CALL ME A DEMOCRAT! I'm certainly much further left than you, but I'd prefer not to be labeled a Democrat. If ya gotta give me a label ... label me an INDEPENDENT.
I laughed aloud when I read your description of Bill Maher ... your quick wit is still intact after all these years :)
And Bill O'Reilly? Oh my ... I am ... without words (not really ... you know better than that) ... but I'll play possum this time.
I love you too much to give my opinion on THIS one!!!
Think about something you wrote ... you wrote how different we are, but we can still have respect for our differences. You don't push your misguided Conservative views on me (snicker), and I, in turn, don't push my "consider-all-humans" approach to politics on you (smile) ...
I learned from a prolific professor that "Difference is a Human Right" ... and we obviously respect that opinion.
Cool, huh?
(Alright Will ... try to refrain from making some smartass comment to me ... you know I'm not brown-nosing Dr. Hill ... he doesn't have my blog address!)
Did you know I'd be gagging and rolling my eyes when you posted that crap?! ;) Ms. Independent, I'd like to see you bash the Dems just ONCE!
I'm surprised to see you promoting partisan politics! What's with mocking Richardson for agreeing with a Republican? Smart move for any Dem looking for votes right now. Not everyone lives on a college campus....
HA HA! I should make friends with D.D. so that we can get together and shake our heads while you try on another pair of rose-colored glasses. I have to say that at least I can get an intelligent argument from you when we disagree. AND some smack talking.... :)
Yikes!!! Did you join the "Give Jen Political Shit" team? Ouch! Ahem ... "rose colored glasses?" Please, please my blind Republican friend ... does it make much difference that I may be wearing glasses while you're wearing CONTACTS? Bring it on, hon ... I'm secure in my pursuit of pushing ideas that ASSIST AND HELP humans ... and not just CEO's of multinational companies. I'm also encouraging those who seek office (whether elephants or donkeys) to create program and laws that help the needy and provide REAL chances of an education other than crap like "No (white) Child Left Behind." I'm also insisting and supporting those who will work to end the unjust war in Iraq and bring our men and women home without resisting by saying, "we will look weak if we leave."
Oh, I can do some Dem bashing ... but the Dems are in control of Congress right now! Your monkey-eared commander in chief and all his cronies are occupying valuable space!
And you're right - you SHOULD become friends with D.D. ... she's FABULOUS!! Just as you are, my dear friend Ginger!
In the words of Rodney King ... "Can't we all just get along?"
Ha!!!
Muaaahhhhh!!!!!
(Everyone reading should know that Ginger was awake ALL NIGHT LONG last night - when she made this posting - sewing my daughter's Halloween costume! She really doesn't mean any of this as she was struggling to stay awake, which explains why her eyes are closed [hee hee] ... she's a closet Indy .. I just know it!)
Heh heh heh heh! Oh the evil gleam in my eye at this moment!! I LOVE this stuff!
I agree with EVERYBODY here (even Jen about some things).
Ron- "Fact of the matter is politicians are dumb fuck assholes. Democrats and republicans are dumb fuck assholes." ALL politicians should be viewed with skepticism & suspicion. They are, for the most part, elitist inbreeders who have no idea what the average American's life is like.
Will- "have you seen the "Sonny-Do" ad with the mom who wants to know what Sonny is gonna do about her daughter failing in school? HELLO, BITCH, GET OFF YER FUCKIN' ASS AND RAISE YOUR FUCKIN' KIDS!!!!!!!!" Why is it up to the government to make children pay attention in class, do their homework and get help for difficult classes? I have the answer to what Sonny can do: If it's up to the government, they can withold ALL government assistance and benefits to parents and legal guardians who neglect their children by not meeting with teachers and guidance counselors about kids' bad grades.
D.D.- "No one should expect the government to work right because we have allowed it to become a part-time job for our legislators. I get up and go to work every day. That's what I want from my overseers." DAMN STRAIGHT!! Okay, I don't go to work every day, but I look for work every day.... Personal responsiblity is a foreign concept to most Americans and most politicians. They each don't practice it, and they don't hold others to it (unless it benefits them personally). Why shouldn't Kinky Friedman think that he can be governor of TX? Jesse Ventura was governor of MN. Of course, I tend to think that Kinky may (and I'm going out on a limb here) just MAY have killed a few more brain cells than Ventura....
Jen- "my blind Republican friend" That's all I could find that I totally agree with.... And only because I AM blind without my contacts or glasses.... ;)
Hell yeh. I'll raise a red and white to all of ya. "SCRAP ON!"
Ok everybody. My second night of every week that I get to type shit on this damned computer. Its either this or listen to Eli describe the latest "flavor" of a fart. Or, go outside and look at a herd of wild ass cats. I spend 8-10 hrs a day listening to people of all colors and social standing bitch and moan about their problems. And then, at the end of the day, when I get a half second to lay on the couch, its one of 4 things: 1. a relentlessly boring baseball game 2. A mindless Seinfeld episode (which I need) 3. A law and order episode 4. a bunch of Politicians, minorities, or degenerates talking about how bad they have it and how somebody owes them something. I left out the stupid redneck commercials, Dr. Fill, and Opal (or whatever the fuck her name is). THE BOTTOM LINE IS, WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR, THE ONLY PERSON IN THAT MIRROR LOOKING BACK IS ME. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND THEM IS I STAND UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT REFLECTION. IF I DON'T LIKE IT, THEN I DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT TO MAKE IT BETTER. AND IF I FAIL, I TRY ANOTHER HAIR GEL. YA'LL THINK ABOUT IT.....R
Tsk, tsk ... I must speak to my boss about my late nights at work. That, or unplug my computer before I leave on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Why? My husband, a couple of beers, and time on his hands.
First, let me assure everyone that Eli is capable of much more than farting. He, of course, is led by his father ... I guess it's a "guy thing."
Secondly, the "herd of wild cats" come from the neighbor's yard. We are about 3 or 4 weeks from FINALLY moving, so someone else will be responsible for providing the free feline food. And by the way, Ron's right - it's an entire herd of cats. When you walk outside around dusk and yell, "kitty, kitty, kitty" ... it's like a Stephen King movie.
Third ... I, for one, am glad that Ron is a P.A. and not a psychologist ... 'nuff said there I think.
Next, baseball season is over (to my chagrin) so he's left with Seinfeld, L & O, and the occasional hunting show :( ... oh, and honey ... it's O P R A H. Cute about the "Dr. Fill" ... I laughed aloud on that one ...
And lastly ... yes, we are all responsible for our actions and the things we do to try and make our lives better. You'll get no argument from me ... HOWEVER ... there are real structural barriers in place that keep people down and under foot. You may not be aware of this ... love of my life ... because that face staring back at you in the morning is WHITE.
Okay ... let's see where this one goes ...
Muuuaaaahhhh!
OMG, Jen!! Do you have any idea how CRAZY that makes me?? Like every single white person has it easier than every single brown person. GAG! You really do sound like a DEMOCRAP!! You're killing me here. Those "real structural barriers" are supported by welfare and a sad, sad clinging to the barriers that are crumbling by the very people that should be leaping over them. Don't act like I don't know what I'm talking about just because I'm a Republican. I've done a LOT of study on different cultures in America in the last several years. Not to mention that being mostly white hasn't done much for my family....
Besides, what does being white have to do with taking responsibility for your actions and life? That's one thing that doesn't take wealth or priviledge or a free pass into the "good 'ol boys club" to master....
I think you should stop reading books that focus on how our society USED to be & pretend that it's still the same and read someone a little more in tune with the times. AND Republicans have done more to educate and employ minorities than Dems ever have. The Dems just like to take credit for it. AND why does every conversation with you lead to....wait, I figured it out! PUT THE HOWARD ZINN BOOK DOWN AND BACK AWAY SLOWLY!! READ SOMETHING BY SOMEONE WHO DISAGREES WITH HIM BEFORE YOU PICK IT BACK UP! I SWEAR THAT D.D. AND I WILL BE DOING AN INTERVENTION AND DE-PROGRAMMING REAL SOON IF YOU DON'T!
heeheehee! Love ya! <3
Ahem ... my dear white friend, Ginger ...
I can tell from your posting that you subscribe to the "boot strap" theory, so I'll give it right back to ya :)
Why don't YOU have a job? Oh, I know ... it's because you're not trying hard enough, right Mrs. Republican? You know ... according to your theory all you have to do to bring you and your family out of the low income bracket is to pull on your bootstraps and try harder. Jobs are out there ... you're just not trying hard enough. You're too lazy ... pull those boostraps tighter and you'll find a job.
Now ... I don't believe in the "bootstrap" theory, so the paragraph above is written only to illustrate your compassionless, Republican crap. Let me also add that I never wrote that ALL WHITE PEOPLE HAVE IT EASY. If you're going to nail me to the wall, make sure you don't misquote me. My point was, and still is, that Ron, you, and me ... we do not know what it is like to have brown or black skin, which many times guarantees our application for a job is either filed away in the garbage or slipped to the bottom of the pile. You also wrote in your post that the structural barriers are "supported by welfare and a sad, sad clinging to the barriers that are crumbling by the very people that should be leaping over them." Why do you think they're clinging so desperately to them? It's called SURVIVAL ... and in no way are the barriers crumbling. They are more intact today than ever. I'm not living in the past, honey ... as you know here in South GA, the racist attitudes of the 50's and 60's are still alive and kicking.
Also, you infer that I believe that all non-white people are excused from taking responsibility for their lives and their actions. Where, pray tell, did I write that? Go back and re-read because I never suggested that. My point is, and will continue to be despite your attempts at intervention, that social justice will never be at the top of the Republican's list. Oh, and as far as my reading list (i.e. Howard Zinn), perhaps YOU should pick one up and open your eyes to the truth. Truly ... pick up one of his books and prove to me where he is wrong.
And if you believe that social programs like welfare breed laziness and contempt, why did you accept food stamps and Medicaid? Are those programs, which were instituted by Democrats, a bad thing for you and your family? And ... I distinctly remember how angry you were when your assistance was cancelled once you graduated and you stated it wasn't fair. You can't bash the social programs and suggest that they are contributors to "working the system" (not your words but you certainly alluded to this idea) when you yourself have used them, too. Your laissez-faire attitude is contradictory of your reality.
And by the way, in the words of Janet Jackson, ... what has the Republicans done to balance social justice lately?
J ;)
Disclaimer: Anyone reading this should know that Jen & I are very good friends. We LOVE to smack-talk politics all the time! I know it sounds like we're at each others' throats here, but it's all said with love....
My response: "Why don't YOU have a job? Oh, I know ... it's because you're not trying hard enough, right Mrs. Republican?" I haven't been trying very hard to find a JOB. I've been scouting around for a CAREER. Big difference. I'll be looking for a temporary job starting Monday & I'll bet I have one by the end of the week.
"If you're going to nail me to the wall, make sure you don't misquote me." I didn't quote you at all! I just wondered what taking responsibility for one's own actions and ethics has to do with being white.
"Also, you infer that I believe that all non-white people are excused from taking responsibility for their lives and their actions." I realize that we've been generalizing here, but it's difficult to use specific examples in such a small space when we're discussing so many different things. You're guilty on that point as well!
"Oh, and as far as my reading list (i.e. Howard Zinn), perhaps YOU should pick one up and open your eyes to the truth. Truly ... pick up one of his books and prove to me where he is wrong." I'm wading through the Zinn book you loaned me right now. I can only take a little at a time! I agree with some of what he says. I disagree with most of what he says AND his delivery. At least I'm willing to find out what a left-wing crackpot has to say! Although I'll have to cleanse myself when I'm through by reading a comforting book about the Reagan era.... ;)
"And if you believe that social programs like welfare breed laziness and contempt, why did you accept food stamps and Medicaid? Are those programs, which were instituted by Democrats, a bad thing for you and your family?" I made a conscious decision to be poor while I got an education. I knew it would pay off in the long run. It KILLED me to apply, it KILLED me to use them and it would KILL me if anyone knew! Whoops! Too late! I'm one of the pride-filled poor. Ouch! That stung! I wasn't angry when my food stamps were cancelled--I was worried. My children still need to eat and I was losing, not only my little paycheck from my on-campus jobs, but $250 in grocery money. I've had to learn to plan healthy meals for my family on maybe $50 a week. I pat myself on the back whenever I leave the grocery store.
I never said anything about the welfare system breeding laziness and contempt! If you're going to nail me to the wall, make sure you don't misquote me! HA HA! Just because I'm conservative doesn't mean that I'm heartless. That's a bad portrait painted by the liberals. I truly want to see social justice take strides in my lifetime! I just think that the best way to do it is to cut taxes (GOP), make it easier for small businesses to grow and hire more employees (GOP) and control spending (GOP) rather than raising taxes in order to throw money at prevalent problems with outdated solutions (Dems)! That's what the Republicans have done for social justice lately! Conservatives walk the walk by hiring and giving opportunities to minorities while liberals want to put them all on welfare and blame it on the conservatives. Yes, I'm generalizing--this is already a dissertation! ;)
What I REALLY want is for just ONE person to stop whining about injustice and the proof of it and offer a VIABLE alternative to what we must deal with now! I know it's all we've got for now, but something's got to give.
I think the real problem is that everyone listens to the historians and ignores the anthropologists (bastards of science)!!
Yep, Everybody has the opportunity to blame their misfortunes on upbringing, divorced parents, abuse, skin color, government etc. But this is not the 1950's. Today, everybody has the same opportunities for highschool graduation, college, technical school. Its the "choices" we make as adults that sets our paths. As an adult, nobody puts a gun to your head and forces a person to do drugs, steal, drop out of school, be lazy, deny accountability, or get pregnant just to get another welfare check. Moral decisions are supposed to set us apart from the rest of the natural world. I think we would be better off if the insects were in charge. My "de-evolution" theory is intact. Thought I would add another log to the fire for my wife and Ginger. This stuff is better than Seinfeld....R
Hey punkin' head, who made you a WASP? Is that what you check on those credit applications (cause if you are, you're fuckin' yo-self)? Now, go clean your house and then get up here and get my yardwork done. Comprende?
By the way, I don't know who in the blue hell "SCRAP ON" is. But he's nuckin' futs jumpin' in this CF.
Yeah, Will! I'm with you (just this once...). At least I was honest enough to say "mostly white" when I referred to my family. I'm tellin' ya, I'm 2 generations removed from my Mexican ancestors, but I swear I'm more Latina than Jen....
Will, I was offered a job as a city planner, but I would never be able to show my face in my social circle again! I took the job as city garbage collector instead so that I could get some respect in the community. I was up late worrying about you and how you'll ever make it in your dead end job with no real education....
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